Sugar and Spice and all Things Nice

This is a post I had written around a month ago....

I am determined a baby will be made this month! This month I am going to try lots more things. Daily I search the web for new tips or hints I haven't heard about TCC, generally it's the same ones over and over again.

This month I will try:

1. Cutting out caffeine! (ah the worst of all of them. Nearly impossible but better start now)

2. No hot showers

3. Doing handstands

4. Charting

5. Praying

6. Pillow under the hips

A month later....

AHHH I am terrible! I haven't done anything on the list!! Caught up in real life I have continued to drink my morning cup of joe. How am I suppose to get up in the morning without my cup of joe! I tried to not drink it but it hasn't work out. I can say I haven't had any soda, oh yeah I don't drink soda! lol cup half full right? 

Hot showers well I've never taken that hot of showers but my husband does like 100% hot water. I suggested to him to take a cooler shower, well with 20 degree weather the hot showers are the only saving grace! sooo hot showers have still continued.

Charting oh charting! As if I didn't have enough to do on a daily bases. I work full time, I pay the bills, I cook dinner, I clean the house, I do the errands and the bills I am women lol { don't get me wrong I love my husband but I do ALOT and he loves me for it ;) } I can never remember to take my temperature. I took my temp twice and both times it was shockingly low, like 96.1 and 96.2. I wondered maybe its because I sleep with a fan on my face? And then I didn't really understand the whole temp thing, do I have to do it right when I get up? Like when I fake get up and the alarm goes off? or can I take it after I hit the snooze for 30minutes? 

I did do handstands! I mean this is a little fun a little uncomfortable. I only lasted max 2 minutes upside down. We did the pillow under the hips thing not very easy to do and I could only do it once. 

Praying! We did do this, we went to church and the message was awesome. It was about how God has a plan for us. I am working on not being such a control freak and releasing it to God and not panicking about it. 

Here is to another month coming and going, maybe better luck next time!

The Others

Is it me or am I the rarity? I was recently at a bridal shower, where I ended up sitting next to a very pregnant girl. She told me she got pregnant after her first month trying! What?!?! I think the first month how can this be I've been trying for 4 months! It seems as if everyone gets pregnant right away and people not even trying, ie 2 unmarried girls my bff knows are pregnant. Is it just me who can't seem to get pregnant? Is it easy for everyone else and am I the lone ranger?

Sometimes I wonder is there a secret everyone knows but me and are the laughing at me saying if only she knew the secret. I guess we are also at that age were it seems as if everyday your going on Facebook and some is either pregnant or just gave birth. I try to be happy for these friends but sometimes the envy monster creeps up on me. I have to remind myself not to be envious of what others have but to be patent and in do time it'll be my turn.

Aunt Flow

As if aunt flo wasn't already bad enough

Before when i got aunt flo it was annoying cramps, bloating, and mood swings. The moment aunt flo arrives i feel like locking myself up for the day and crying. Obviously this isn't reality. I must go to work put on a happy face and take the day on like a champ! Aunt flo is there for a few days to serves me as a constant reminder of the baby that isn't there. My inability to conceive.

Obviously the mood is damper and grouchy. I really try to live my life happy. I don't know when I'm going to die, how much longer God has planned for me to be on the earth. I feel like these days are gloom and I am not myself, and don't like the sadness that becomes me.

I try and remind myself God has a plan for me and that His plan is better than my own. Sometimes when i want something so bad i don't allow myself to see the bigger picture God has created for me. It might not be my perfect reality but it's His perfect reality.

There is such amazing baby items on Etsy. I just want to buy it all!

    

Source: etsy.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

      

Source: etsy.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Jacqueline on Pinterest

And on the Sixth Day....Was Baby Made?

The infamous sixth day before your missed period. I've waited for this day for a weekish. In reality not just a weekish more like months upon months upon months. I try to tell myself I probably am not pregnant, don't get your hopes up. But of course my hopes are up. This is all I hope and dream for! I tell myself the whole week I'm waiting not to think about it not to get my hopes up, especially not to dream about those cute little baby clothes!

This day always bring a big question to mind, test today or wait until I've actually missed a period. Like so many months before will it be negative again? When it's negative will I just think ahhh it's not right it's to early! These test must not be made well! I'll test again after I miss my period. Even if it's only late by 30 seconds I get exited and pull out another $5-7 test.

This day has come for me this month. I feel as if the fantasy of false reality has escaped me and I'm stuck with the reality its negative once again. There is still that hope in the back of my mind again that its wrong.

After I get a negative test I find myself getting soo angry and grumpy. Like there was a huge anvil that has crashed on me. The unbearable weight and sinking feeling. There is still that small small thought in the back of my mind that you'll magically miss your period and be pregnant!

Having the Talk with Your Mom

Having the talk with your mom....no no not THE talk but so similar that its just as uncomfortable!

Telling your mom your TTC

The big question, do you tell people your TTC? Living in fantasy land I thought it'd be a great idea to tell my mom I'm TTC. I think she will be so happy and excited for us! I know how much she wants a grandchild to love on. She will have tons of amazing advice for me. She has also been telling me for years how oral contraceptives are terrible for me, so wont she at least be glad I'm off? WRONG again! I tell my mom I'm TTC, it's that weird power mothers have its not so much what she said but how she looked. You know that look, the I'm disappointed in you look. The immediate feeling of guilt. Ah but wait I've done nothing wrong! I'm a grown women! Then you start to get angry. This forces me to call my sister immediately who now knows I'm TTC. Obviously she works as a mediator, seeing both sides of the situation. Now my mom has now moved on to completely ignoring it or if i bring it up to test the waters she questions our readiness.

I have since learned its best to not bring up TTC with anybody other than someone TTC or your husband. It's best to just surprise them with an I'm pregnant! They can't act mean about that right? Guess I'll find out one day......

Where We Are

Let’s fast forward to my current situation and some background. I ditched the birth control sometime around September. So I thought we will try and bam I’ll be preggo in no time right?! WRONG! We have been TTC ever since, however we have not done any charting.

Problems people don’t mention:

The thought that I’m ovulating scares my husband. My husband is a laid back guy who always works to make me happy. He does not work well when I pressure him. So for me to say ok we need to try this week threw him into a tizzy. He doesn’t want to let me down but the pressure caused him to explode. He asked himself so many questions. Would he be a good dad? Will he be able to care for his family, etc.. After a few months of this I decided to stop talking to him so openly about ovulating, when we have to do it, and putting so much pressure on him. It’s easy to seduce a man ;) so only one of us needs to be charting and worrying.

Scheduling scheduling! With such a short window to get pregnant it is almost like all the stars have to align. Currently I work 12 hr shifts, standing all day and he is a medical student. My ovulation window for the first few months coincidentally fell right before he had a huge exam. He was so stressed freaking out about his test for about a week before, it was impossible to schedule ourselves. Sadly if you don’t catch that window you can say goodbye to that month. See you again in 28 days! This month has been the first month all the stars have seemed to align. After this month I am going to start charting and blogging! My goal is to blog about my experiences along my baby journey. Speaking truthfully and honestly. Blogging the ups and downs, and hopefully helping other women along the way.